Never Enough

The Beginning.

i told you from the beginning i have been played before. i told you how i have been treated. you told me not to worry cause thats not the kind of person you are. and i believed you cause the loneliness was surrounding me. i had so much love to give however none of it was for myself.

Passed Loves.

“you deserve someone better then me” you all said.

well thank you. cause guys with devil horns are ugly anyway.

Domestic Violence.

this isn’t for me. this is for the women who feel they are not enough to get out of a abusive relationship. 

you are worth so much more.

“do not look for healing

at the feet of those

who broke you.”

-Rupi Kaur, Milk & Honey 

Id Rather Be Numb.

“nothing is louder 

than overthinking

after midnight” 

-R.H. Sin, Whiskey, Words & a Shovel I 

the worse was when it was quiet and i was alone. 

i knew deep down i should just go to sleep, because he isn’t thinking about me or this.

i wish they knew how many times i couldn’t breath. how many nights i didn’t sleep.

while they were fine.

No More Angels.

“if i could do it all again

i would've loved me more

instead of waiting on you” 

and then maybe just maybe i wouldn’t have lost my wings in the end.

-R.H. Sin, A Beautiful Composition Of Broken

Strange Men Have No Love.

what was left was just a mess. so many marks by others i could care less to remember because none of them brought me back the feeling of being with you.

"you are waiting for someone who is not coming back meaning you are living your life hoping someone will realize they can't live theirs without you but realizations don't work like that" 

-Rupi Kaur, The Sun And Her Flowers

so instead i let others take advantage of me because thats what you made me feel like i was worth. nothing

Heartless.

“tell them i was the warmest place you knew and that you turned me cold”

-Rupi Kaur, Milk & Honey

i don’t “feel”, “care” or “love” anymore. id rather rip every mother fuckers heart out like they ripped out mine till there was nothing left.

because the madness of being in-love alone is what made me not know how to love anymore. 

Letting Go.

“the most fucked up

thing about love

is that even when 

it dies

we kill ourselves 

slowly

holding on in hopes

that it will return”

-R.H. Sin, A Beautiful Composition Of Broken

so throw the flowers away. they were dead before they even had a chance to grow. he never have intentions for them to survive. it just takes time to realize that.

Moving On.

if you ever came across to read this the only thing i would want to know is the reason why you didn’t want this, why didn’t you stay. however the deep scars will always stay. and i want them to. i want to never forget how you made me feel. but i am washing the dirt you threw at me. i am getting the fuck off the ground and moving on. i have surpassed all the nights crying till sunrise, to ever time i looked in the mirror hating myself, to all the things you have done to make me feel like i was nothing. through all that i have finally realized that i am enough. it is you who will never be enough for me. now i will learn to love myself, alone.